A little dramatic, right? What could possibly be a threat to the greatest species on the planet? We evolve and grow everyday, becoming more powerful and intelligent. Yet, our most disgusting adversary continues to walk among us, blending in and corrupting our society. They slither and masquerade as our friends, yet they only exist to be blood sucking zombies, bent on the destruction of mankind. They are the narcissists.
There is nothing more devastating then running into one of these despicable creatures. As I stated before, they slither. They slither their way into your heart in a process known as love-bombing. In love-bombing, the narcissist throws affection and adoration at you. They become your biggest fan overnight; no one can tell them anything negative about you. They learn what you like and what makes you tick so they can continue to feed it to you while your fondness for them grows. The moments with them feel like heaven on earth and you can’t believe how happy someone can make you feel. You are breath of fresh air and they are so happy to have found you. They literally bomb you with as much love as you can take. It’s almost a little too much…..or is it? You don’t know because they already got you. You like them so much. You love them so much. You love them and they LovE yOu, RIghT?
Everything is going great and heaven looks and smells how you’d always dreamed it would. You are just what they have always wanted. A dutiful wife. A strong, powerful man. A beautiful trophy. Arm candy. Banging sex. Whatever they wanted, you had it. You were exactly what they wanted in their life and life is amazing because they found you. You are the light of the world and no one is what you are. They ain’ never knew nobody like you. You different from everybody else. That makes you amazing. That makes you their ideal. This is the second stage, Idealization. You are the most wonderful person on the planet and they thank god that they found you. You will always agree with them on everything and share the same values. You are soulmates. Twin flames. Everything is going perfectly fine……until it doesn’t.
“What happened?” “Why doesn’t he text me like he used to?” “Why doesn’t she ever answer the phone when I call? Did I do something?” “Shit, what’s going on?” They start being mean to you out of nowhere. “What the fuck?” They tell you how all of a sudden their exes were better than you. They make you feel like less of a person, when you were just being deified last week. They don’t feel like having to deal with you anymore. Upon further investigation, you actually were not the best thing they could have wanted. You actually smell really bad and you don’t make enough money. You don’t look beautiful and you could lose some weight. They understand now why you were single before they met you. Nobody would want to deal you. You are not valuable to them anymore. You have been de-valued.
This is normal relationship stuff, right? After the initial honeymoon phase where we are all over each other, the relationship begins to ebb and flow because the fog is clearing and we se the truth in the other person. We then begin to get an understanding on if we want to over look the flaws enough to truly love the person. So why does this feel different? When they devalue you, they try to make you out to be even less then you were when they met. They want you to feel like less than you ever thought you were. They feed off of the superiority they gained from putting you on that pedestal and then knocking the pedestal right from under you. You hit the ground and they are just looking down on you like the trash you are. They can and will do better than you. When they are truly done with you, you might ever hear them say these things and not just come at you with antagonistic indifference. When they are done with you, they don’t care anymore. You will be thrown to the wind.
They threw you away and now you are on the floor, discarded. They have decided that you are no longer necessary. The energy you gave them is dull. Your blood is no longer sweet. Tu amor no es necesario. They don’t want you anymore. They’ve made the decision that as low as you are, you are nowhere near their level. They are on to bigger things now. They have much higher aspirations and they need to be with people who understand them and what they want for themselves. You don’t do that. You can never do that. You were not enough and will never be enough. The adoration you gave them from the lovebombing they gave you doesn’t stroke their ego like it used to. They treat you like shit and fuck with your head to keep you embedded in the darkness that is your relationship. All this happens only if they even attempt to stay. Some will just drop you and get with the next person whose energy is ripe and ready to be picked. They cheat and blame you for your weakness and low value. You are the reason they did what they did. When they did it, at that point you had no value in their eyes, so they had no loyalty to literal trash. The other person was better than you. They understood them more. They give so much more potent energy. You never meant much anyway. You actually did though, in a way only these twisted people can understand.
They are in a whole other different universe doing their own thing. They are living their best life and have moved on from what did not serve them. YOU. So why do they all of a sudden want to know how you are doing? They text “Are you ok?” They know you got that raise. They know you lost that weight. They smell the improvement. Or, the grass wasn’t greener and they need their old grass back. Better was actually much worse and their backtracking back to their good ole’ energy supplier. YOU. They are checking in on you so that they can keep their good ole’ energy supply on the shelf just in case they need you. They care about you because they check in, right? They need to see what you are doing and who you might be with just because, right? They are hoovering you. They basically gravitate around you subtly to make sure that their former energy supply is available. All the pain they caused you. The permanent damage to your psyche. The damage done to your emotional stability. And yet they still feel entitled to you. Hoovering is by far my most hated part of this. How fucking dare you reduce someone to feeling like nothing but shit and then think you can go back when shit doesn’t work out for you. You need energy and sustenance that badly? Despicable.
You would think being broken up with by a narcissist would be a good thing, but unless you run and run far, it doesn’t work like that. You are never done with them unless the next energy supply doesn’t work out or can’t be put on a shelf like they did you. Hell, they may even have plenty of room on that shelf for others like you. They use people for their energy and adoration, faking empathy until they no longer need to do so. Then the real person comes out. The mean, nasty, abusive person. There are many kinds of narcissist, some more covert and undercover than others, but they all follow a similar modus operandi. Wicked, evil manipulation by utilizing a trojan horse of love and connection to blow you up and throw away the pieces. And then they try to pick up the pieces, not to appreciate them, but to repair them to use them and break them again. What is truly sinister is that the stages are usually a cycle that can go on for years. You can’t grow as a person being trapped in such a hideous cycle.
I really did not know how to approach this topic. I made it more of a story and tried my best to really exaggerate just how horrible this cycle is. The sad part is for some people, these aren’t exaggerations. It’s real life. You feel trapped with the person due to the love-bombing and idealization phase. Some people can be further trapped by preexisting codependency issues, seeing the narcissist as someone they need, which only feeds them. Or even worse, they seem themselves as someone the narcissist needs, making themselves into the energy source. Your life becomes a big trauma bond with them, requiring extensive therapy and support in order to not overcome, but just continue to live knowing you went through it. Narcissists and Narcissism (or Narcissistic Personality Disorder) have become hot topics in the media and just in society in general and when a lot of people talk about something, it’s impact can be reduced quickly. Make no mistake, Narcissists are not to be fucked with. It is my honest opinion you can develop PTSD or something like it from dealing with these fucking people. It’s no joke. The emotional, broken, dingy, rollercoaster you get shoved on dealing with these people can break even the most powerful individual.
I would give tips on how to avoid these people, but the only real thing you need to do is stay true to yourself no matter what. We are all individuals and we are our own people. We don’t need others to be who we are. You don’t need anyone to survive. You don’t need to pedestalize someone in order for them to stick around. Be authentic. Be real. They can’t seem to stand real, solid, blunt people who don’t beat around the bush with how they feel. They fish for and feed from insecurity and idolization. Don’t idolize anyone. No, he is not too good for you. No, she is not the only woman who will love you. In order to navigate a world with these people, you need to be the most authentic version of yourself you can be.