We are all human and capable of some truly epic marvels. When we are born, our potential is only limited by our imaginations. We can also look at other people and feel as though we see something no one else can see. We can look at someone’s more positive attributes and base our interest and level of concern for that person on these attributes. Now, there isn’t a clear inherent problem with seeing someone in a positive light more than a negative one. It is when you do it in overabundance where things get problematic. This is when you look at an individual through what are called “rose tinted glasses”. Basically, you see them as someone that can do no wrong and make excuses for them. You put them on that pedestal that honestly no human should ever be placed. You see them as perfection.
I need to be as blunt as possible. This is wrong. It is fallacy. Feelings, emotions, thoughts, they can truly blind us when they take us over. We can tend to idealize people for just being nice to us. We idealize because of unresolved childhood trauma. We idealize because we want the image of this perfect person to be reality . We idealize as a defense mechanism to hide from the scary truth. This can lead to placing others above ourselves or forsaking our own ideals for their sake. You give power to their words, beliefs, and values at your own expense. You damn near deify them! No one on this earth is a god. No one. We all have negative aspects of our personality. We need to learn to look at people for what they are in your face, not what you think they might become. Or even worse, how you fantasize them to be.
Idealization prevents growth in a relationship with others. When you idealize, you see no wrong, and thus you don’t confront questionable behavior. You trivialize antagonism and dis-respect. It may not be apparent, but you can stunt others growth by idealizing someone. You keep them from being able to approach their negative aspects in an impartial way by providing them a unconditional worshipper. You need to be able to look at a person impartially and form an opinion of them based on the good and bad of their personality. You must then be able to continue to observe them from a place of not putting them higher than their actions show.
It can be easy to idealize people who we find interest in. We want to believe that they are the wonderful people we hope them to be. And they can be the best version of their authentic self for us. Idealizing them takes that away from them. It takes away who they are from how you perceive them. It takes away from the criticism you can have for them that can allow them to grow and develop. Idealization can also take away from you what makes you who are. By pedestalizing someone, you put aside what you look for and respect just to have that friend or companion. Altogether, you never develop a respectable rapport with the other person, and the relationship is hollow.
We should all try to see the good in others. Humans are very powerful creatures, full of potential ever growing. However, we are not perfect beings and we will never be. Don’t ever look at someone as being infallible. The best connections with people are formed when we can look at a person’s good and bad and make conscious, unbiased conclusions based on their actions and our feelings. You should be able to see them in a non-blinding light and truly connect with them the way they present themselves in reality, not the fantasy you have conjured up.
Tyrone's Mental Health Blog 